My Sweet, Sweet Girl...

Quinn Luree
December 26th  at 7:42 pm
9 pounds 5 ounces
21 1/4 inches

The last couple weeks of pregnancy were so emotional for so many reasons.  I was so worried about how Kellen would adjust and just feeling a little mommy guilt about how it was going to change his life!  At the same time I was so excited to be adding to our little family.  AND those that know me I have been praying for a little girl for a long time.  People laugh at me when I say this, but everyone ask if we "tried" for a girl...well in my mind we did...I prayed every night for a little girl to find her way to me.  When we found out it was a girl I was over the moon and so excited!

The other craziness was all from my Dr deciding to close their doors at 37 weeks and I had to find a new Dr.  So even though it was a repeat c-section there was still some element of surprise because I did not know until 5 days before hand what day we were doing it and I didn't know till the day of as to what time to even go to the hospital.  I ended up really liking my new Dr and in the end all the craziness was well worth it.

We had such a great Christmas and on the 26th we woke up and I started laundry and made Monkey bread as my "last meal" before the deadline to stop eating.  At around 9:30-10 I called the Dr to see if I could drink Water and to see if there was any news as to when I needed to head to the hospital.  The verdict...I could not eat or drink anything and I needed to be at the hospital at 3:30 and the c-section was set for 5:30ish.

So I kept myself busy for the rest of the day so I couldn't worry about the big change that was about to happen in my life and all the little things that I had been worrying about since I got pregnant!  So I got laundry done, picked up and put everything away from Christmas and packed up all my bags.  Leaving Kellen was the hardest thing and I had to fight back tears all the way to the hospital...I was so overwhelmed.  Once we got to the hospital everything kind of settled and and the wait began.  I checked in at the admissions desk and we waited and waited and waited...

There was a lot of talking about who was hungrier going on between my mom and Matt.  Nobody wanted to eat in front of me or even drink some water!  The admission ladies were so sweet and kept telling me that it was almost my turn, they were just trying to figure out where to put me.  There were A LOT of scheduled c-sections & people getting educed going on, plus the ladies coming in that were actually in labor.

Once we got back to the pre-op room my nerves started to pick up a little.  It was all a whirlwind even though there was a lot of waiting.  Finally it was my turn to go back...they did the epidural and then things started to move quickly...I was wheeled into the operating room.  I think I prayed all the way there for a safe delivery and for everything to be ok with me and Quinn.  I had a small panic attack with Kellen during the c-section, but this time I just knew it would be better.  Boy was I wrong.  After this c-section I don't think I can do it again!  I soon began to feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I so badly wanted to get off the operating table and walk out.  But at that point I couldn't feel anything!  It seemed like it took forever for them to bring Matt in and once he got there I was hoping it would calm me down, but I hit a point of no return.  I was slowly going crazy in my mind and going to a very bad place in my head.  I wanted to scream for everyone to stop and I wanted so badly to move my legs.  At one point I told the anesthesiologist that I need to move my leg...she told me it was fine and straight...I looked at her and told her "NO I need my leg moved"  so she got a nurse to move my leg and that helped, but did not stop the craziness in my head.  I kept telling her that I couldn't breath, but she said it was just the epidural and I was breathing fine.  I wanted to call her crazy and I swore she was going to let me suffocate.  My blood pressure kept bottoming out and she kept having to give me meds to help with it and then the nausea started.  She kept telling me I was fine, but I kept saying no I am going to puke...so as they are cutting my daughter out of me I am dry heaving into a pan that my husband so kindly held by my face.  It was awful.  I really wanted it to be all over and then it was.  She was here!  I heard her cry and then I lost it!  The joy, nerves, and craziness all hit a peak and I couldn't believe it!  She was here and she was loud!!!  She was so mad to have been taken from her nice warm spot!  All I could hear was the nurses talking about her hair!  Then she was next to me and I was actually touching and kissing on her...She was here!

After that it went pretty fast.  Matt and Quinn left and I was left again to go crazy in my head.  No one really talked to me...I could hear the nurses counting and I could smell so many things and I could hear the Drs talking as they closed me up.  I tried to close my eyes and just drown everything out, but I couldn't!  All I wanted was to go to recovery and see my daughter again.  The shaking was not nearly as bad as when I had Kellen.  I was hoping that I would get to hold Quinn sooner this time.  Then I was on my way to recovery.  I got there just in time to see Quinn get her first bath.  She hated it...until they got to her hair.  She loved her hair being washed.  Daddy said that she was going to cost him a lot of money at the salon!  He could tell already!

As soon as her bath was done...I got to hold her!  Everything went quiet and I knew it was all going to be ok.  All my worries went away and were gone./  She was here and she was safe and I was safe.  AND I just knew that Kellen would fall in love with her when he saw her.  My heart was full and over joyed!  She was here...finally!

The hospital stay was hard for me...I wanted out and to go home and just be with family!  It was never quiet and I slept so little while I was there.  So when they gave us the option to go home Saturday or Sunday...we jumped at the chance to go home Saturday and go home as early as possible!  All the nurses were nice and the Drs were great, but I wanted out!  I felt like a caged animal!  We had a few visitors and that helped a little.  When Kellen came I was so nervous, he really didn't want anything to do with her and wanted to leave after a few minutes.  I was a little heart broken, but I knew that in time he would love her.  On the day we were leaving the hospital, Kellen asked my mom if he was still special.  It broke my heart that he was feeling this way.  He is such a sensitive boy and has such a BIG heart!  I really had to fight back the tears.

I was so glad to be home.  Quinn is doing great and really is such a good baby, except the couple of hours she decides to scream at night!  She is in a great routine of about every 3-4 hours (at night she will sometimes go 5).  Matt and I split the night shift so that each of us gets a fair amount of sleep.  So I don't feel so much like a zombie and I am still able to function.  Kellen is coming around and such a big helper.  It was a rough couple of weeks the first weeks, because Kellen really was struggling with finding his place.  But I think he knows now exactly where his place is.  He is constantly telling people that he is a BIG brother and that Quinn is so cute, but she cries a lot!  :o) I love it!  Speaking of that it is time for her to eat again...

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